How to manage jealousy in a relationship

When jealousy becomes a mental health disorder

Lydia Hanaa Faris

Clinical psychologist. Researcher

Parc Sanitari Sant Joan de Déu

We've all probably felt a little jealous at some point in our lives with our partner... but at what point does jealousy become a mental disorder?

Jealousy is defined as a feeling of unhappiness and anger caused by the belief that a loved one might be unfaithful. Psychologically, jealousy is characterized by a state of anxiety and insecurity due to the fear of losing the loved one, as well as their love and affection.

First and foremost, it's important to understand that jealousy stems from the same root as love (loving the other's closeness) and selfishness (possession). Jealousy is a part of human emotional development and begins with an inappropriate sense of ownership, based on a simple prejudice: "love gives me a right to own." So, "we love each other, I love you, you belong to me, and I own you."

But when do we need to talk about mental illness?

Jealousy can turn from a natural feeling into a disorder if we start spending 30% of our time thinking about whether we are being cheated on, with a pathological state accompanied by delusional manifestations for at least 1 month .

In this case, we're talking about morbid jealousy , which is included among the delusional disorders specified in the DSM-5, the diagnostic guide used by mental health professionals. This subtype occurs when the central theme of a person's delusion is that their partner or lover is unfaithful. It's important to note that this belief isn't based on justifiable reasons, but rather on incorrect inferences supported by minor details such as misplaced clothing.

Typically, the individual confronts their partner or lover and tries to prevent the infidelity they imagine. In cases of morbid jealousy, professional help should be sought.

Regarding jealousy, it's important to strengthen ongoing communication, self-esteem, and loving connection. Psychotherapy is often an effective treatment for jealousy. A person experiencing jealousy can benefit from working with a therapist to process painful emotions and reframe the negative and harmful thoughts that affect their behavior.

Three tips for managing jealousy:

Ask yourself where jealousy comes from.

Question the origin of your feelings. Then take steps to change what you don't like in order to achieve what you want. Whether your jealousy stems from fear, past relationship patterns, or insecurity, understanding the root cause can help you learn how to deal with it.

Consider the big picture

Jealousy sometimes develops in response to a partial image; you may be comparing yourself and your own achievements with an idealized or incomplete view of another person.