"When you stop thinking about the why and start thinking about the now what, you begin to survive."

Pol died by suicide when he was sixteen. "The first thing you ask yourself is why, and that question, however much you want to answer it, you realize that it has no answer," his father, Paco Lendinez , explains. He continues: "And when you realize that the right question is 'What am I going to do now?' or 'Is this going to change the love I had for my son?' that's when you start taking the first steps to survive ."

Paco decided to walk this path to survive the suicide of his son, a process that "has very deep holes and many ups and downs," but through which you learn to live differently. "You can't have the life you had before, it doesn't exist, because part of what you loved most is gone. You carry it inside you, but everything has changed," he tells us. Therefore, according to his experience, "finding this new life, knowing how to live differently, how to use everything that has happened to you , is the key to moving forward."

And she found a way to change her life to "honor" her son, leaving her old job to dedicate herself to trying to make the planet a little better , something that worried Pol a lot; but also "being more present in what I do, putting my heart into it, and loving myself so I can love those around me," three things that, she reflects, "I didn't do consistently during my son's life." Now she feels that " thanks to my son, I'm a better person ."

Show vulnerability

Among the causes of dissatisfaction and unease among many teenagers , Paco believes that the pressure to be perfect, the idea that life always has to be joyful, and "that unrealistic Instagram image" plays a very important role. That's why, looking back, he argues that "we must teach our children that vulnerability is good , that life has its joys and sorrows, that it's okay to cry one day and say, 'I had a bad day at work.'"

But we also need to talk openly and without taboos to end the stigma that usually surrounds death by suicide. For Paco, the taboo is linked to the shock anyone would feel at the thought of it happening to them, but also to the lack of understanding , because "we try to explain it from our perspective, and that's impossible. I can't understand it; I only know that my son didn't want to die, he just wanted to stop the suffering he was in." But understanding this requires a long process.

This testimony is made possible thanks to After Suicide - Survivors Association (DSAS).